Friday, September 10, 2010

Goodbye, Summer

I have been reading a lot of posts about the end of summer and how much fun everyone had. I am not one of those people. Summer is usually my favorite season and I look forward to it starting December 26th. But this summer was off. I was restless. It was too hot and I couldn't find my grove. August was especially awful. I'm glad it's over. I'm hoping September will bring better weather, a better mood, and more time with family & friends.

Life has changed since the beginning of the summer. My perspective is different. One of the things that has changed is Markus' job. We started the summer in anticipation of him landing the job, and when it finally came my nerves set in. All of the what ifs and daydreaming about a new life together became a reality. Reality is waaaaaay different from daydreaming. Be careful what you wish for. It's scary and a little lonely thinking about uprooting our family and moving to California. But I'm also really excited and looking forward to a change. Our life has felt a little stagnant the last year and I am open to new possibilities and challenges. I just keep trying to remember that wherever you go, there you are. I think that is the key to making this move successful. I have to remember that if I am not happy with myself then I will not be happy with myself in a new place.

And so I am going to take the change of seasons and the change of our new life as a time to work on myself and figure out what is making me unhappy. I don't like feeling restless and not being able to sit still and relax. I did not read one book this summer. Not one. I didn't have the patience to sit down and relax enough. I didn't work on the house or take pictures. I didn't cook or entertain. I hardly went for walks with the dogs or did yoga. I wanted to go to concerts and I didn't see one. I blamed it on not having anyone to go with but I could have made more of an effort. And I certainly didn't blog because I didn't have anything nice to say. Looking back I'm not really sure what I did. And that makes me sad that I wasted what could be our last summer in Virginia (at least for awhile) doing things I can't even remember. I think when we got the news of Markus' new job I just froze and stopped living. It was like the news was too much to take and so I just didn't do anything.

So I'm getting all of this out in the open so I can make a conscious effort to work on doing things I enjoy and making myself content again. And hopefully the change will do me good. If I'm not back to blogging and taking photos in a few weeks, send chocolate and anti-depressents ;)

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